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“Never did the world make a queen of a girl who hides in houses and dreams without traveling.”
How to Carry Yourself Like a Queen
Well hello friends! How are you this week? I am so excited for September to be here. Normally, I am a bit sad when the summer comes to an end, but this year, I’m so ready for the fall. I’m ready for the fall colors, the fall scents, and the fall weather.
This week, I started getting my Pumpkin Spice Lattes from Starbucks which bring me so much joy. And I also picked up the most delicious smelling fall candle from Target for only $5 and it’s perfect for the fall. It’s a Threshold candle and the scent is Warm Cider and Cinnamon. I’m pretty picky about my fall scents and sometimes I think that those pumpkin candles are really odd-smelling so I was really pleased how spot on this scent was. It smells like I’m brewing a delicious vat of cider with cinnamon in it and it’s heavenly.
So, yeah. I’m ready for the fall this year. The other thing that I love about the cooler weather season are boots! I love wearing boots, especially the ones that come up to the knee, so I can’t wait to start wearing my sweaters and boots this fall season.
Now, moving on to today’s topic, I wanted to talk about how to carry yourself like a queen. Not like a little girl, not like a princess - a queen.
If you’ve been listening to or following me, you probably know by now that I’m pretty much obsessed with all things medieval - the castles, the fashion, the royalty. When I’m traveling, if there’s any sort of royal house or castle, I try to see it. I just love the fantasy and the romanticism of that time period.
I love this era so much, that for my 30th birthday, I asked my friends to join me for a day at Scarborough Renaissance Festival - a festival that I’ve loved going to since I was a kid. I went all out and wore an outfit fit for a queen.
One of the shows that I absolutely loved watching was Reign. And I know it was historically inaccurate, but that’s not why I watch. I especially adored the fashion and the outfits, even though they were historically incorrect as well. I’ve also loved watching plenty of other period shows with kings and queens too, including The Tudors, The White Queen, The White Princess, Game of Thrones, The Great, and more. And don’t even get me started on the ending of Game of Thrones...
So, today, let’s talk about how to step into your queendom and start carrying yourself like the true queen you are. Because let’s face it - the way we show up and speak and carry ourselves in the world sends a very powerful message to others.
A queen is a leader.
At its very core, a queen is a leader to her people. Being a leader requires a level of self-awareness. A queen realizes that her presence holds influence over others. She therefore is aware of how her demeanor, words, and actions can positively or negatively affect others.
A queen doesn’t have to convince other people that she’s in power. Because when you’re a true queen, you embody the qualities of a leader and others can simply perceive that within you.
A queen lives with grace, bravery, and thoughtfulness. People recognize her as a leader because she shows up with those qualities on a regular basis. She’s not pretending to be anyone she’s not - she just is.
Part of being a leader is being direct. A queen may not always say what everyone wants to hear because she’s not a push-over or a people-pleaser.
One way we can step into our power as queens is to be more direct about what we are willing to do and not do. I see a lot of women who completely overbook their calendars because they like to say yes to everyone and everything. And this usually catches up to them and causes complete overwhelm and burnout.
Queens maintain their calm and serenity because they are direct when they cannot commit. And when they do commit, they show up and follow through. It’s okay to decline an invitation to a party if you’re needing some “me” time. A queen doesn’t strive to be everything to everyone. She is queen of her realm and she determines who and what are meaningful in that realm.
2. A queen communicates with clarity and confidence.
The way you communicate with people will either draw them in or put them off. Our words are powerful and they have the ability to inspire and motivate or tear others down.
In middle school and high school, I was always afraid to speak in class. I was plagued by thoughts of self-doubt, thinking, “What if I sound stupid? What will my classmates think of me? What if I’m wrong?”
And this anxiety really came to a head in 9th grade when my teacher, Mr. Bradley started tallying how often the class was raising their hand and contributing to the conversation. During every discussion class, everyone was expected to raise their hand and contribute at least 2 times to get credit.
Since I was a straight ‘A’ student, with a bad penchant for perfectionism, I of course wanted to make sure I accomplished this requirement, but I ABSOLUTELY HATED talking in class. I struggled with this for the entire year. It felt excruciating because of the thoughts of self-doubt that continued running through my head.
But as I grew older and went off to college, I began finding my inner confidence. As I practiced forcing myself to speak up, I began to realize that all of the drama was in my head. I was burying myself in self-limiting beliefs about how what I had to say wasn’t good enough, or smart enough, or accurate enough.
And that doesn’t feel good, to suppress expressing ourselves because of these beliefs, right? What I began to realize was that the world wasn’t going to stop if I said something incorrect. My world wasn’t going to implode if I asked a question or stated an opinion. I had come to realize that staying quiet and meek for fear of embarrassment was not worth the suppression of my journey to learn and grow. I wasn’t going to allow my self-limiting beliefs and false mental drama get in the way of my journey to become a queen.
And you can’t afford to let that happen to you either. We have this life that we know of on this earth. This opportunity to create and design the life that we want. I don’t want for you to live out the rest of your life as a princess. It’s your time to step into your queendom.
That year of what I thought of as torment had resulted in me growing into a woman who communicated like a queen. It felt awkward. It felt uncomfortable. It even felt painful at times. But with practice, I blossomed into the confident queen I am today because of it.
I still have days where my brain doesn’t work and I stumble over my words, but today, I’m no longer afraid to speak up or to ask questions. Today, I’ll raise my hand in a room with over 100 people in it. I no longer have any fear around that aspect of my life; I don’t even think twice about it.
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3. A queen practices humility.
There’s a fine line between communicating with confidence versus communicating with arrogance. Once you’ve stepped into your power as a queen, that doesn’t mean that it’s time to bulldoze other people’s ideas and inputs. There’s a way to be bold and confident while still maintaining your poise and grace. That’s what queen energy looks like. She is direct about what she wants. She doesn’t tip toe around people; she directly asks for help when she needs it.
A true queen knows how to balance her confidence with large does of humility.
Being humble does not mean that you cower and concede at every challenge that comes up. It means that you understand that you may not have all the answers so it’s important to rely on the support and advice of others when needed.
But remember also, once a decision is made, a queen sticks to her decision and shows up for whatever she’s decided to do. She’s decisive and she stands by whatever conclusion she makes. And she doesn’t apologize for it.
A queen may be asked for advice and she may not know the answer. Instead of trying to indirectly answer or make up something, she just calmly and confidently says, “I don’t know, but I’ll do my best to find out.” She’s still direct and confident, but she’s humble enough to realize that she doesn’t have all the answers.
A woman with queen vibes surrounds herself with trusted advisors and supporters who have her best interest at heart, and she takes time to really listen to their advice. She may choose to take that advice and she may not, but she still respectfully listens.
Sometimes listening isn’t about getting advice from other people. Sometimes it means just being a good friend by holding space for that other person. A queen is empathetic - she tries to understand how others feel in their situation. She does this not to wallow with others in their difficulties but to just actively be present and engaged for someone else.
We aren’t practicing active listening when we are in our head trying to think of the next thing to say. It’s okay to pause and be silent to let words sink in.
I’ve not always been the best listener. I have a high level of concentration so if I start getting really engaged in a book or a movie or my work, I can easily tune out others around me. Which can be a great skill but it can also make for a poor listener. I remember even in pre-school, the teachers said I excelled in most everything with the exception of listening.
So, what I try to do now to be a more active listener is to come from a place of genuine curiosity. I ask questions after I’ve learned new information. I ask people to expand on what they mean. When you come from a place of curiosity, you pull your mind into the present and out of your head, trying to constantly think of what to say next.
When you’re fully engaged, you’re tapping into your queen power. True queens come from a place of curiosity and humility with an open heart and an open mind.
4. A queen perseveres.
If there’s one common thread out of all of the period dramas I’ve watched, it’s that a queen will always face challenges. What sets a queen apart from a princess though is that she perseveres in the face of difficulty. She faces her struggles and fights until she triumphs.
A queen doesn’t say, “Why is this happening to me?” Instead, she says, “How can I learn from this? How can I work through this?”
When a queen is caught in a tough spot, she doesn’t flail about thinking woe is me. If she did, she’d feel really disempowered, wouldn’t she? Instead, a queen looks at the facts and tries to find possible solutions. She navigates the challenge and tells herself that she’s smart and brave and resourceful enough to figure things out. This is how an empowered woman thinks and acts. She steps into her queen energy when she comes from a place of empowerment.
A queen is also committed. She’s purpose-driven and goes after her dreams with determination. She’s not wavering about who she is, what she wants, and what she stands for. A queen has clarity around herself and she believes in herself to persevere to make it happen.
When you’re wavering about something, it conveys that you don’t really trust yourself. So while a princess would say, “I’m trying to lose 5 pounds,” a queen would say, “I’m losing 5 pounds.” There’s no doubt in a queen’s voice. When she says she’s going to do something, she does it.
Beyond being determined and committed, a queen is also not afraid of failure. A queen understands that mistakes and failures are simply opportunities to learn. It’s not a full stop. Life will not crumble and fall apart in the midst of failure.
When a queen fails, she acknowledges what she can learn from it, then she keeps moving forward. She does this because she knows that it will ultimately lead to her success and greatness.
5. A queen takes full ownership of herself.
Finally, what makes a woman uniquely a queen is that she takes ownership of every aspect of herself. She owns her body, her life, and her destiny. A queen doesn’t blame others for her situation. She takes full responsibility for her actions and her fate. She doesn’t rely on others to fix her problems. She doesn’t blame her environment for her problems.
The moment you start blaming someone for how you’re feeling or for what situation you’re in, you become a victim. Queens are never victims. Own how you are feeling and let yourself resonate with those feelings, but know that your thoughts are creating those feelings. That’s not to say that a queen never feels sad or angry. The difference is that she can communicate how she’s feeling, without placing blame on others or things outside of herself.
And this is actually good news. Because it means that your well being isn’t subject to the whims of the outside world. The craziness in the world, the frustrating work colleague, that triggering family member - none of them can affect you, if you choose not to allow it.
No one can ever make us feel a certain way - our thoughts and how we choose to interpret an interaction is the only thing that can affect our feelings. You have the power to decide how you want to feel about everything and a queen doesn’t allow herself to get ruffled or triggered by outside people and things. Not only do you have the power to decide how you want to feel, but you also can decide how you want to respond. You can even choose to leave. But you do not get to blame other people for how you’re feeling.
A queen knows that she alone is responsible for her emotional well being. She creates her emotional state. And she chooses to manage her emotional well being in such a way that keeps her optimistic and persevering.
A queen steps into her power and knows that she has control of how she wants her future to play out. When we are accountable to ourselves, we step into our true power. We no longer place our fate in others’ hands.
A Queen is the Best Version of Herself
A queen is a woman who is living the best version of herself. A queen is someone who has fully found herself and embraced it. She speaks to herself and others with kindness and love. A queen has shed all her self-limiting beliefs and she’s completely free of any mind drama.
She has clarity and purpose - she knows what she wants and she’s not going to stop until she accomplishes it. But a true queen does all of this with grace and humility. She doesn’t trample or tear down others to accomplish her dreams; she brings others with her on the journey.
Your fellow queen,
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author bio
Known as The Jet Set Blonde, Brittany Ryan inspires others to add more adventure to their childfree travel experiences. Brittany has visited 23 countries (and counting!) Connect with her to get access to detailed childfree travel itineraries, travel guides for weekend getaways, and updates on adult-only hotels, resorts, cruises, and other travel amenities.
